A 94 Minute Movie

he Neverending Story, or Die Unendliche Geschichte as it's known on IMDB.COM, is one of the magical movies I grew up with. In case you've never seen it, The Neverending Story is about a boy who magically becomes a part of the book he is reading. The book he is reading is the story of Fantasia, a world filled with magic and puppets and other gay shit, which is being consumed by The Nothing.

People who grew up with The Neverending Story give this movie much more credit than it deserves. I know I loved this movie when I was kid, but that's because of Falcore, the luck dragon. What kid wouldn't want a flying dog that beats up bullies for them?

I asked my parents thousands of times for this kind of dog. I never got one.

When I recently watched The Neverending Story, I realized how gay it is. Any grown man that tells you they're a fan of this movie probably tivos E and has picture of Joshua Jackson they stroke to. Case in point: Bastian tries to declare his homosexuality in the first scene.

This movie is not a good story and I wouldn't even recommend it to a child. Firstly, It's about reading and if you've ever read one of my posts before, you know I despise the written word. More importantly though, it's a bad story about fantasy. I realized this when I compared it to Pans Labyrinth, which is a great story about fantasy. In Pans Labyrinth the girl is told repeatedly by the adults in her life, that she needs to grow up and stop living in dream worlds, much the way Bastian is told in the beginning of this movie. At the climax of Pans Labyrinth the main character is able to sacrifice herself, because she is inspired by the fairytales she reads. She stifles an evil man not by using magic, but rather the morals that stories about magic have given her. In the Neverending Story, the opposite is true. Bastian over comes his bullies with the aid of a make believe dragon, not knowledge or morals acquired through fairytales, but by use of a fairytale bullshit. This conveys a terrible message to children: by dreaming your problems will be solved they will be solved. If that were true than if I simply hoped hard enough, Than I could ride giant dog into my creditors office and he would erase my debt. Then I'de ride a luck dragon into a local bar and lucky.