Roller Coaster of Love

You know when your trying to pick out a video with your girlfriend or boyfriend and the two of you can't decide on what you want to watch? That's because you both want to watch Fear. In my opinion it's the best chick flick of the mid 90's. Its got everything: heart melting love scenes, cool fight scenes, animal abuse, and a great cast rounded off by a pre-Charmed / post-Whose the Boss Alyssa Milano.

Fear, as explained by the program description on my cable box, is the story of a "naive teen (Witherspoon) [who] falls for a boy (Wahlberg) her father dislikes and finds he is a sociopath". But those of us who have seen the film know that it is so much more.

Alyssa Milano is the first thing that got me into this movie, because she's so hot. And who does this beauty choose to get down with?

This Guy!Alyssa Milano dry humping this guy

If this guy can dry hump Alyssa Milano against a cotton candy stand at the state fair, then I can dry hump Alyssa Milano against a cotton candy stand at the state fair. I can pull off the mid nineties grunge look, plus I'm a little less creepy. Milano is really good this movie; especially the way she flirts with and teases every guy with a speaking role in the movie, up to and including an 11 year old kid whom she claims, she will "ravage". On behalf of the men of the Untied States, let me just say, Fucking A.

The best and most famous scene of Fear has to be the roller coaster scene. Spoiler Alert! He finger bangs her on the roller coaster. Yeah, that's right, finger banging on a roller coaster. But when I stop to think about it where else are you going to finger bang your girlfriend at the State fair? The live stock pavilion? on a tilt a whirl? No, no, it's got to be a roller coaster. I suppose you could do it on a gravitron, if you don't mind being kicked out, because everybody could see, but hey, at least the kid that turns upside down won't think he's such hot shit. Now showing tanagers finger banging in movies is usually considered tasteless. However, Fear's roller coaster scene is pure class thanks to the Sundays playing the most romantic rendition of Wild horses ever. That's the song I want to play at my wedding.

This is the classiest shot I could get of the Roller Coaster scene

Finally, What I respect most about the movie Fear is that they killed the dog. Oh yeah, they went there. Throughout film history, dogs, being mans best friend and all, have been off limits as the victims of movie bad guys. Sure here and there a director chooses to off the pooch, most notably in Jaws. However even in Jaws the shark eating the dog is only implied by the owner calling the dogs name in vain. They could could have done something like that in Fear, but no. What do they do? They show the German Shepherd's decapitated head being hurled through a doggy door. Pure class.

So what did I learn from Fear:

I could hook up with Alyssa Milano
Always finger bang on a roller coaster
don't attempt to kill your girlfriends family